dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
