I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
