they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
