I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
