dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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