did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
