How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
