I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
