its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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