I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
