All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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