Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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