Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
