Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
