we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
