Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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