Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
