It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
