:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
