Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
