dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
