my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
