do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
