He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
