apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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