it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
