their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
