You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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