I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
