Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need a beard to bite.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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