So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
