i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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