I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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