Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
