Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
