i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
