it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
