There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
