Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
