false alarm. still invincible.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
