I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
