i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you have feelings for this penis?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
