Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
