hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
