I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
