did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
