Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
