everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
