I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
