just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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